Insight #14. Wheel is turning again...

The wheel never stops. It always turn... Just like the book of changes, I Ching. It has a lot of possibilities. Everyday, we turn our own little wheels of life. How we turn it? Up to us. You could turn it clockwise or counter clock wise. You can turn it left or right. It's still turning. How do I stop turning the wheel? I'm not sure. I hope I can find the answer through the Dharma.

Turning the wheel is like walking the path of your life. Each step, each pace, each foot print we make is a part of the turning. Each new day, we learn something new, we commit new mistake(s), we regret something we have done, we wished we could have done something more effective or better.

Will I get out of the wheel? I'm not sure... I can hope and learn as I take each step to making the wheel turn less....

Insight #13. I give thanks....

Wisely reflecting I eat this alms food, 

not for fun, not for pleasure,

not for fattening, nor for beautification,

but only for the maintenance and nourishment

of this body,

for keeping it healthy and helping with the holy life.

Thinking thus, I shall allay hunger without overeating

so that I may continue to live blamelessly and at ease.

Sadhu........

Insight #12. Who am I

Who am I? Am I the filial son? Am I my parent's pet? Am I a good friend? Am I being honest with myself? Am I being harsh with myself? Am I having too much fun? Am I clueless? Am I an evil person or a good person? Am I racist? Am I? Who am I?

Insight #11. MYOB....

Exactly. . . Mind your own business. . . perhaps this applied to me more as I have the tendency to go over the fence and kay poh (busy body). . . 

I was gently reminded by a good friend that one should not go over the fence and intrude into the private affairs of others. . . a good lesson. . .  and there are times, certain things don't need to be elaborated or dicussed upon, for example, like one own's cultivation. There is a distinct difference between sharing and boasting. . . 

So I shall M.Y.O.B in future. .

Insight #10. . . Nothing. . . is everything. . .

Since all phenomena are pure by nature,

meditate the thought of the non-existence of things.

With bodhicitta,

meditate the thought of great compassion.

Imperceptible by nature, luminous clarity,

meditate without any attachment to things at all.

Mind is the cause of the arising of wisdom,

do not seek Buddhahood elsewhere.

From  Arya atajñana nama mahayana sutra (Sutra of the wisdom of the Time of Death)

Insight #9. Subject to change . . .

From a good friend's blog: I also realized that we are all subject to change. . . Nothing stays the same, This is a solemn but insighful statement taken from a Pali recitation book. . . 


Pali recitation for meditators by Sujiva.

I am of the nature to decay - ( Jaradhammomhi )
I have not gone beyond decay - ( Jaram Anatito )
I am of the nature to be diseased - (Vyadhi Dhammomhi)
I have not gone beyond disease - (Vyadi Anatito )
I am of the nature to die - (Marana Dhammomhi )
I have not gone beyond death - ( Marana Anatito )
All that is mine and dear - ( Sabbehi Me Piyehi Manapehi )
Will change, Will vanish - ( Nanabhavo Vinabhavo )

I am the owner of my own kamma - ( Kammassakomhi )
I am the heir of my own kamma - ( Kamma Dayado )
I am born from my own kamma - ( Kamma Yoni )
I am related to my own kamma - ( Kamma Bandhu )
I abide supported by my own kamma - ( Kamma patisarano )
Whatever kamma i shall do - ( Yam Kammam Karissami )
Wheather good or evil - (Kalyanam Va Papakam Va )
of that - ( Tassa )
I shall be the heir - ( Dayado Bhavissami )
Thus by Us - ( Evam Amhehi )
Should (these) be frequently recollected - ( Abhinham Paccavekkitabbam )


So it is. . . 

Insight #8. Going back to basics...

I've decided to go back to basics... I'm taking a refresher course in meditation and some dharma classes (Theravada) at the Maha Vihara in Jln Berhala, Brickfields, I went for the my first lesson last thursday. It was good. Before I went, I paid respects to Grand Master and seek his blessings so I can benefit the teachings taught by Upasaka Chee. And I also emptied my mind, my knowledge about Buddhism so I can see his perspective. It turned out to be a very good class. As for meditation, I'm learning to be more focus on my concentration during meditation. Realized that my mind is like a wild monkey and needs to be subdued so I can be more focus in my endeavors...

Sadhu! May I find inspiration and renewed faith in the triple gem...

Insight #7. Take matters personally and get blessings from elders before doing anything

I have learned this lesson the hard way. Do not leave matters to others just because you have the means to dispense away with. Always take charge of your own assets. This includes the big and small details of the picture. Since I am the artist and I am painting the work of art, I have to choose wisely and plan my strokes and movements before the paint is dried. 

And get blessings from the elders (ie: parents) for important things in life such as renovating the house, embarking on new business venture, etc...

I pray all my endeavors are successful.... Sadhu

Insight #6. love till death do us part..

Yesterday, my god brother, C.C called me around 6-ish in the evening, asking where I was, I was in Bdr Utama helping my mum to do the Bak Chang, an annual Chinese festival of rice dumpling. He said he was in the Uptown area and he just finished an interview. So, we had dinner. I picked him up and along the way, he asked if I can do him a Ba Zi reading on a someone.. I asked who? Turns out that he knew a young chap who is stricken with cancer and this young chap had made the decision to leave Malaysia and go back to US of A so he could further seek treatment or prepare the inevitable. 

C.C described him as young, insightful, full of life, happy go lucky and extremely intelligent. He also told me he was five feet three, GAWD! So my type of guy I'd like to date and have as a partner.. of course, he said to me, "He's all mine.. you can't have him Tai lo!" I laughed out loud and when we're done with dinner, I took all the details about McCutie mix and worked out his BA ZI. Apparently his BA ZI did indicated a sickly and weak person. And C.C showed me an e-mail reply from McCutie mix. As I read the contents of the e-mail, He is certainly very thoughtful and a sweetie. He decided to not start any kind of relationship with C.C and to leave it as a wonderful memory. McCutie mix doesn't want my god brother to suffer when he breathes his last breath... He gave reasons that it would make him die a bitter and angry man should he and C.C are in a relationship. He felt that C.C should not have to bear all the grief and loss when he passes on. C.C was very upset and asked if He should be more persistent... 

I reminded him that it was McCutie Mix's intention and leave it as it is.. I see both sides of the coin.. but I agree with McCutie Mix. C.C was having mixed feelings... We shall leave it as that...

We all have our own crosses to bear, no one can take over or replace our suffering. Alone we are born, alone we suffer, and alone we die and move on... It's good to let go when you have finally reach the end of the road.. that way.. you won't be leaving with bitterness and anger.... 

Calm the mind... empty the thoughts on all the needs and wants.. You will achieve a peaceful and happy state of death....  

Sadhu and Sarva Mangalam

Insight #5. Endurance...

The theory of interdependence give a whole new meaning to me yesterday. Interdependence, a big word. The word comes from Interdependent. It is an adjective and it means dependant on each other (of 2 or more of things or people). From a personal perspective, it means we exist and need to exist because we depend on each other. It is like a support system behind our back that we can rely on, without fail. Like for instance, family. Family is important to me. As much as I love my family very much, I feel compelled that certain times, I have to endure my own bitterness in the name of the family. Emotional dependency towards the family can never be questioned. 

Of late, a lot has happened to my family. One may imagine that as we grow older, we get married and raise our own kids, our parents will be happy. Yes they are happy by their grandchildren's innocence and their purity. Unfortunately, this happiness was not bestowed to my parents. As my elder brother and his wife lead a hectic lifestyle, they sent their daughter, to a day child care centre. My mum was saddened that they would do such a thing. To her, this added to my brother's financial burden. She thought that if she was given the opportunity to take care of her grandchild. My brother would be more at ease, who would give their own flesh and blood to some stranger to look after? That was her main concern. On the other hand, I know that my elder brother and sister in law decided to do so as this would not inconvenient my mother as she is getting old and can be forgetful at times. 

Looking after a 2 year child is not an easy feat. It takes a lot of focus and time to spend with an inquisitive child. I don't blame her as she is on her growing stage. It takes a lot to raise a child, in terms of physical, psychological and financial aspects. Dad is also getting old. As my family unit's matriarch and patriarch goes old and frail. I am going to make certain changes and sacrifices in my life and take care of them to my best ability. Why do I undertake a task? well, I'm still single. The fact that I'm a Gay man and not married, it would be easier for me than my other siblings as they have their own family and issues... Interdependence is another word for endurance. Enduring what can be endured and what can't be endured... How can one repay the kindness of one's parents and family? You can't. There is no way that this kindness can be repaid even if you willingly let your arms or legs be sliced away slowly piece by piece right up to the core of the bones.. You still could not repay these kindnesses.

So what can I do? I can endure the brunt of my mother's woes. I can endure my father's disappointments on my other siblings. I can be their punching bag and shoulder to cry on. Endurance... As how grandmaster endured many kinds of suffering for the sake of all beings throughout his quest to attain enlightenment, I can only do my part so my parents' at least have some comfort as they reach their end of their lives... 

The words of the Dharmapada is comforting today:

Even ornamented royal chariots wear out. So too the body reaches old age. But the Dhamma of the Good grows not old. Thus do the Good reveal it among the Good.

Sadhu and Sarva Mangalam

Insight #4. Once decided, do it immediately!

Insight #3. Feel the pain, liberate within....

I have decided to do a tattoo tomorrow. Why? One of the reasons I wanted to do it was it has been my desire to get one since young. Being brought up in a conservative family, a tattoo is considered an act that would bring shame to the family...

I've always considered myself as different from the rest of my siblings. My thinking, my view about life and the things I do, it's abnormal to my folks, sound pretty normal to me. 

Pain... yes I want to feel the pain that we all want to avoid. Another form of suffering I guess. I'll gladly put up the pain to have  my tattoo tattooed on my right arm. 

Yes.. I'm getting one tomorrow.. I'm excited and happy actually... :D It is one of the many experiences I will like to add to my realm...

Sadhu and Sarva Mangalam...

Insight #2. Random Thoughts...learn to wield it..

Have you ever stopped for a while and put your mind down? Meditate? I've been trying to meditate these days. No. I'm unlike the Guru or experienced spiritual masters who could sit in padmasana *lotus posture* for hours. I could barely survive 20 mins. However, I try to meditate around 20 mins each day if my schedule permits. Whenever I try to quiet the mind, I realized that the mind is a stubborn thing. It will always get carried away with a lot of random thoughts. I am aware that I have a steady current of thoughts flowing in and out of my mind. It is a task for me to gather my mind back as it goes astray. I start by focusing on my breath. And the sensation on the tip of my nose. 

My mind is like a wild creature. It doesn't want to stop. It will take me to places and will keep me occupied. This is the creature we must take hold and control. Point in observation: As you further your meditation, you will also realize that the mind is a dynamic force to be reckon with. It creates and creates, just non-stop. An influx of information flashes before you. Things you have yet to finish during the day, things that were bugging you because you couldn't find a solution to resolve it, Non related stream of thoughts will hit you left right, up and down. So this is the mind...

Sounds like a difficult thing to do: control the mind. Grandmaster says its do-able.  We can control our own minds. It's just a matter of focus and concentration. Being mindfully aware is a challenge for me everyday. I should know better, I'm always out-of-focus ( :  Despite these weakness, I am going to do it because I know I can overcome this. . . It will take time but I know I can do it. It has to start with a small step... 

The wise have left this: 

To make a long journey, one must take the first little step

 

I am still taking little steps on my daily meditation practice... I hope you will too... Meditation is not only beneficial to the mind, it is also a great stress buster and a good way to spend time with yourself. . . 

Sadhu and Sarva Mangalam

. 

Insight #1. Celebrate diversity...

We're all different. We differ in culture, tradition, spiritual beliefs, lifestyle, character, personality, physical features and wisdom. But we have the same substance. Our nature is one. Just as the Buddha's, our nature is as like His. One is the difference? Our minds have yet to realized what He has realized. And the same goes forth to all spiritual teachers and masters.  Tuning ourselves so that our frequency is the same with the enlightened ones is not impossible. It's just a journey that may be long to others, short for some... It's not the destination.. but the road that is taken that will define us and make us realize our own nature... 

Having said that, I looked back and the journey is on going and there's more ahead, for me to learn and see if I can overcome whatever that is put in front of me :D So don't lash out the judgement in a flash, hold on to it and be open, see things differently from own pre-conceived opinions. . . There's more to it than the eye... 

The wise have left this:

Don't judge a book by its cover. . .

  Let that be a part of the mantras you use in your daily life to find your balance in your own realm. . .

Sadhu and Sarva mangalam...