Insight #8. Going back to basics...

I've decided to go back to basics... I'm taking a refresher course in meditation and some dharma classes (Theravada) at the Maha Vihara in Jln Berhala, Brickfields, I went for the my first lesson last thursday. It was good. Before I went, I paid respects to Grand Master and seek his blessings so I can benefit the teachings taught by Upasaka Chee. And I also emptied my mind, my knowledge about Buddhism so I can see his perspective. It turned out to be a very good class. As for meditation, I'm learning to be more focus on my concentration during meditation. Realized that my mind is like a wild monkey and needs to be subdued so I can be more focus in my endeavors...

Sadhu! May I find inspiration and renewed faith in the triple gem...

Insight #7. Take matters personally and get blessings from elders before doing anything

I have learned this lesson the hard way. Do not leave matters to others just because you have the means to dispense away with. Always take charge of your own assets. This includes the big and small details of the picture. Since I am the artist and I am painting the work of art, I have to choose wisely and plan my strokes and movements before the paint is dried. 

And get blessings from the elders (ie: parents) for important things in life such as renovating the house, embarking on new business venture, etc...

I pray all my endeavors are successful.... Sadhu

Insight #6. love till death do us part..

Yesterday, my god brother, C.C called me around 6-ish in the evening, asking where I was, I was in Bdr Utama helping my mum to do the Bak Chang, an annual Chinese festival of rice dumpling. He said he was in the Uptown area and he just finished an interview. So, we had dinner. I picked him up and along the way, he asked if I can do him a Ba Zi reading on a someone.. I asked who? Turns out that he knew a young chap who is stricken with cancer and this young chap had made the decision to leave Malaysia and go back to US of A so he could further seek treatment or prepare the inevitable. 

C.C described him as young, insightful, full of life, happy go lucky and extremely intelligent. He also told me he was five feet three, GAWD! So my type of guy I'd like to date and have as a partner.. of course, he said to me, "He's all mine.. you can't have him Tai lo!" I laughed out loud and when we're done with dinner, I took all the details about McCutie mix and worked out his BA ZI. Apparently his BA ZI did indicated a sickly and weak person. And C.C showed me an e-mail reply from McCutie mix. As I read the contents of the e-mail, He is certainly very thoughtful and a sweetie. He decided to not start any kind of relationship with C.C and to leave it as a wonderful memory. McCutie mix doesn't want my god brother to suffer when he breathes his last breath... He gave reasons that it would make him die a bitter and angry man should he and C.C are in a relationship. He felt that C.C should not have to bear all the grief and loss when he passes on. C.C was very upset and asked if He should be more persistent... 

I reminded him that it was McCutie Mix's intention and leave it as it is.. I see both sides of the coin.. but I agree with McCutie Mix. C.C was having mixed feelings... We shall leave it as that...

We all have our own crosses to bear, no one can take over or replace our suffering. Alone we are born, alone we suffer, and alone we die and move on... It's good to let go when you have finally reach the end of the road.. that way.. you won't be leaving with bitterness and anger.... 

Calm the mind... empty the thoughts on all the needs and wants.. You will achieve a peaceful and happy state of death....  

Sadhu and Sarva Mangalam

Insight #5. Endurance...

The theory of interdependence give a whole new meaning to me yesterday. Interdependence, a big word. The word comes from Interdependent. It is an adjective and it means dependant on each other (of 2 or more of things or people). From a personal perspective, it means we exist and need to exist because we depend on each other. It is like a support system behind our back that we can rely on, without fail. Like for instance, family. Family is important to me. As much as I love my family very much, I feel compelled that certain times, I have to endure my own bitterness in the name of the family. Emotional dependency towards the family can never be questioned. 

Of late, a lot has happened to my family. One may imagine that as we grow older, we get married and raise our own kids, our parents will be happy. Yes they are happy by their grandchildren's innocence and their purity. Unfortunately, this happiness was not bestowed to my parents. As my elder brother and his wife lead a hectic lifestyle, they sent their daughter, to a day child care centre. My mum was saddened that they would do such a thing. To her, this added to my brother's financial burden. She thought that if she was given the opportunity to take care of her grandchild. My brother would be more at ease, who would give their own flesh and blood to some stranger to look after? That was her main concern. On the other hand, I know that my elder brother and sister in law decided to do so as this would not inconvenient my mother as she is getting old and can be forgetful at times. 

Looking after a 2 year child is not an easy feat. It takes a lot of focus and time to spend with an inquisitive child. I don't blame her as she is on her growing stage. It takes a lot to raise a child, in terms of physical, psychological and financial aspects. Dad is also getting old. As my family unit's matriarch and patriarch goes old and frail. I am going to make certain changes and sacrifices in my life and take care of them to my best ability. Why do I undertake a task? well, I'm still single. The fact that I'm a Gay man and not married, it would be easier for me than my other siblings as they have their own family and issues... Interdependence is another word for endurance. Enduring what can be endured and what can't be endured... How can one repay the kindness of one's parents and family? You can't. There is no way that this kindness can be repaid even if you willingly let your arms or legs be sliced away slowly piece by piece right up to the core of the bones.. You still could not repay these kindnesses.

So what can I do? I can endure the brunt of my mother's woes. I can endure my father's disappointments on my other siblings. I can be their punching bag and shoulder to cry on. Endurance... As how grandmaster endured many kinds of suffering for the sake of all beings throughout his quest to attain enlightenment, I can only do my part so my parents' at least have some comfort as they reach their end of their lives... 

The words of the Dharmapada is comforting today:

Even ornamented royal chariots wear out. So too the body reaches old age. But the Dhamma of the Good grows not old. Thus do the Good reveal it among the Good.

Sadhu and Sarva Mangalam