The theory of interdependence give a whole new meaning to me yesterday. Interdependence, a big word. The word comes from Interdependent. It is an adjective and it means dependant on each other (of 2 or more of things or people). From a personal perspective, it means we exist and need to exist because we depend on each other. It is like a support system behind our back that we can rely on, without fail. Like for instance, family. Family is important to me. As much as I love my family very much, I feel compelled that certain times, I have to endure my own bitterness in the name of the family. Emotional dependency towards the family can never be questioned.
Of late, a lot has happened to my family. One may imagine that as we grow older, we get married and raise our own kids, our parents will be happy. Yes they are happy by their grandchildren's innocence and their purity. Unfortunately, this happiness was not bestowed to my parents. As my elder brother and his wife lead a hectic lifestyle, they sent their daughter, to a day child care centre. My mum was saddened that they would do such a thing. To her, this added to my brother's financial burden. She thought that if she was given the opportunity to take care of her grandchild. My brother would be more at ease, who would give their own flesh and blood to some stranger to look after? That was her main concern. On the other hand, I know that my elder brother and sister in law decided to do so as this would not inconvenient my mother as she is getting old and can be forgetful at times.
Looking after a 2 year child is not an easy feat. It takes a lot of focus and time to spend with an inquisitive child. I don't blame her as she is on her growing stage. It takes a lot to raise a child, in terms of physical, psychological and financial aspects. Dad is also getting old. As my family unit's matriarch and patriarch goes old and frail. I am going to make certain changes and sacrifices in my life and take care of them to my best ability. Why do I undertake a task? well, I'm still single. The fact that I'm a Gay man and not married, it would be easier for me than my other siblings as they have their own family and issues... Interdependence is another word for endurance. Enduring what can be endured and what can't be endured... How can one repay the kindness of one's parents and family? You can't. There is no way that this kindness can be repaid even if you willingly let your arms or legs be sliced away slowly piece by piece right up to the core of the bones.. You still could not repay these kindnesses.
So what can I do? I can endure the brunt of my mother's woes. I can endure my father's disappointments on my other siblings. I can be their punching bag and shoulder to cry on. Endurance... As how grandmaster endured many kinds of suffering for the sake of all beings throughout his quest to attain enlightenment, I can only do my part so my parents' at least have some comfort as they reach their end of their lives...
The words of the Dharmapada is comforting today:
Even ornamented royal chariots wear out. So too the body reaches old age. But the Dhamma of the Good grows not old. Thus do the Good reveal it among the Good.
Sadhu and Sarva Mangalam
